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The surprising thing Google learned about its employees – digital skills aren’t essential…

15 Thursday Feb 2018

Posted by Malcolm Auld in Advertising, Digital marketing, Direct Marketing, Marketing, Marketing Automation, Sales, Social Media

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

digital marketing, digital marketing virtue signallers, marketing, marketing career, marketing education, marketing skills, STEM

I have teenage children, aged 14 and 15, so an emerging topic of conversation is what career they would like to pursue. I find this interesting, particularly given I still haven’t a clue what I want to do in my career, even after working four decades in marketing and advertising.

Most schools hold regular updates about “the jobs of the future” and the skills our kids will need to succeed in the digital world. You’re probably aware of the need for STEM skills (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) that the career advisers and alleged experts believe are essential for a future success.

These skills are often quoted by the digital marketing virtue signallers, as part of their effort to position themselves as marketing experts (over marketers who really are marketing experts). They claim if you cannot code, you’re not a marketer.

You don’t need a marketing degree to be a digital marketer…

Well Google has done some research on its staff, as it was a STEM employer of choice. The results have been published in an article in The Washington Post and they are very surprising indeed.

The essence of Google’s research findings, and that of another piece of research conducted by the nonprofit National Association of Colleges and Employers (which includes both small firms and large ones like Chevron and IBM) is that STEM skills don’t count. Well not in the way they have been historically favoured.

The skills needed to succeed in the digital world are the soft skills, not the hard digital skills. These skills include being able to communicate and listen well; being a good critical thinker and problem solver; and being able to make connections across complex ideas.

STEM skills are vital to the world we live in today, but technology alone, as Steve Jobs famously insisted, is not enough. We desperately need the expertise of those who are educated to the human, cultural, and social as well as the computational.

And go figure, to succeed in marketing you need marketing skills, not computer skills. Who’d have thought hey? Maybe this is why companies are starting to eliminate the word “digital” from marketing job titles.

It’s surprising how long it has taken so many companies to realise what type of people they should hire for success in the digital world. I mean, all they had to do was watch The Intern.

I spend much of my time consulting with and mentoring young digital marketers. It’s almost a fulltime business – and might be soon. The main reason I do so, is these digital marketers don’t know very much about marketing and are worried they are out of their depth. They know how to post on social media and use Slack to “communicate” with their colleagues about when to play the next game of Foosball, but not much else. They fear they will fail as they don’t have the expertise.

So next time you’re in a meeting and an alleged digital marketing expert claims to have a new secret sauce for digital marketing magic, lean over and clip them behind the ear – twice. Just so they know you’re serious.

Stop your digital B.S. and get a marketing qualification…

Gotta go now – I have an appointment with a careers advisor…

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More than ever, the marketing industry needs genuine expertise…

10 Friday Nov 2017

Posted by Malcolm Auld in Digital marketing, Marketing, Thought Leadership

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

marketing education, marketing masters, Thought Leadership

As I’ve written before dear reader, you don’t become a brain surgeon hanging around the casualty ward. And you definitely don’t become a CMO hanging around a marketing department – unless you’re prepared to hang around for a lifetime.

You need to invest in self-improvement to really get ahead. And that doesn’t mean reading an (alleged) definitive guide on all-things digital. Or drinking in the cyber-hustler kool-aid that pretends to be the magic elixir of marketing.

As you well know, trade skills are passed on through the master-apprentice relationship. The master of the craft trains and educates the apprentice, to get them skilled enough to work in the trade.

It used to be the same in business. I went through a business apprenticeship. It even included when to use ‘regards’ versus ‘best regards’ to sign-off a letter. Unfortunately business apprenticeships have disappeared, while in the digital marketing industry, expertise has been devalued, and often dismissed.

I’ve never seen so many instant self-appointed experts. If you can type on a keyboard you’re a content marketer. Pay a ghost-writer in a third-world country to write a white paper for you and call yourself a thought leader. Even worse, publish a ‘definitive guide’ (that is not definitive) and you’re an influencer, or some self-styled crazy label like linkfluencer, socialfluencer or ninja!

In the digital marketing world, you just sprout new buzzwords for existing and proven marketing techniques, now being used online, or work in a digital business that’s name has very few vowels, and you’re a self-appointed bloody genius.

Well that was the case until these last few months, as things are beginning to change…

The pendulum has started shifting in marketing. The digital chooks are coming home to roost – evidenced by recent revelations across the digital marketing world.

Digital chooks are coming home to roost…

Here are just a few examples:

  • Agencies overcharged so much for programmatic advertising, they’re now refunding hundreds of millions of dollars to advertisers
  • Media agencies and digital publishers admit they cannot provide accurate data regarding who is viewing ads, or even where ads are being published
  • YouTube admits its content/ads appear on terrorism and hate sites
  • Facebook admits 80% of viewed videos weren’t – viewed that is
  • Facebook admits it has more than 270 million fake accounts
  • The fake internet, where sites earn ad revenue by using fake content and fake followers, is the fastest growing business category in the world
  • Instagrammers admit using stock images and buying fake followers, so they can get “influencer” contracts from naive advertisers
  • Facebook, Twitter and Google grossly underestimated Russian propaganda delivered through their sites
  • Twitter wants to sell, but nobody wants to buy, as it still hasn’t turned a profit and usage is stagnant – active usage is once per month

Every day there is more news about the problems in the digital marketing world. Interestingly, Professor Scott Galloway who teaches marketing at NYU, blames much of Facebook’s problems on the naivety and inexperience of its staff. Yet it was Zuckerberg who made the ridiculous statement years ago that “young people are just smarter“.

I’ll leave that one out there for you to contemplate dear reader.

One can only assume it’s the lack of experience causing all this industry grief – surely it wouldn’t be an ethical issue?

Inexperience hurting the digital industry…

I’ve always advised my staff and students to perpetually furnish their minds to help improve their lot. Read classic marketing books (because the principles haven’t changed) as well as contemporary ones. Read books that have nothing to do with marketing, visit art galleries, photographic exhibitions, go to the theatre, experience other creative industries for inspiration. Or to be digitally correct, #inspo.

The fastest way to learn how to get better at marketing, rather than working for years to get hands-on experience, is to pick the brains of the masters – those who’ve tasted blood. They can give you the real short-cuts you need to know, certainly more than the cyber-hustlers with their loony listicles, like “10 killer new social media lead magnet miracles that have rewritten the rules of marketing and will blow your mind“.

The only problem is, there are very few experienced executives, let alone  opportunities to learn from them. Industry conferences are full of well-meaning “speakers” showcasing their successes – though it’s rare to see failures. If you listen to any marketing seminar these days, you’d think there had never been any failures in the digital marketing industry – despite the problems outlined above.

Yet to navigate successfully, you should always sail with the mariner who knows where the reefs are located. They’ve been shipwrecked, so know the dangers. You want to work with, and learn from, experienced people who have made the odd mistake while gaining their expertise.

Sail with those who have been shipwrecked

Though I do suspect we’re going to hear more and more about failures, as the latest buzzword “transparency” permeates the industry.

I’m off to buy another book – Bob Hoffman’s Badmen. No listicles, just bare truth.

P.S. For those in Oz who want better marketing results, or fast-track their young marketing talent, get along to Drayton Bird’s final event. His brilliantly successful career spans more than four decades, including 20+ in digital marketing, so you’re bound to pick up some valuable ideas – and enjoy a drink or two with this master marketer.

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Are all UTS graduates filthy rich?

28 Wednesday Aug 2013

Posted by Malcolm Auld in Marketing

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Tags

marketing, marketing education, UTS

I graduated from UTS with my Bachelors Degree quite a while ago, after 6 years of part-time study. You learn to measure your life in minutes.

Over the last two decades I’ve occasionally returned as a guest lecturer, or to run a one day event for the Business Studies School. Curiously I had no idea there was a UTS Alumni, because nobody had ever contacted me about it.

All this all changed recently, when I was appoached by the Alumni team and submitted my details. I forgot they would have to verify them. So for a couple of days, some poor sod had to dust off old hand-written ledgers in the bowels of the archive rooms, to verify I had graduated.

He graduated when??

He graduated when??

Last Friday I received an email to clarify I was Alumni material and welcoming me to the clan. While reading the email I reached the third paragraph below:

“If you would like to purchase a commemorative Certificate of Recognition, please go to https://www.alumni.uts.edu.au/origins-certificate to order and pay $20,000, which covers the cost of printing and postage. Please allow up to four weeks to receive your certificate in the mail.” (Bold is my emphasis)

Immediately I thought the email was sp*m. Had someone, somehow tracked my recent messages and was having me on? Or maybe I’m just not as wealthy as the rest of the Alumni? Did their degrees serve them far better financially than mine? Or have they mistaken me for some other Malcolm Auld who has more money than sense?

I mean I enjoyed my time there, but it was many years ago and certainly wasn’t worthy of a $20,000 Commemorative Certificate. I don’t even know where my degree is – probably stored in a box somewhere.

So, I nervously clicked the link to the order form:

UTS certificate

Immediately I checked the price and discovered a typographical error. The Commemorative Certificates are only $20.00. What a relief. Or is that what they want me to feel, so I’ll buy more than one and hand them out to family, friends and employers?

How does something like this happen in such a centre of knowledge and learning? I believe one of the reasons is that proofreading is a skill that people dismiss because they have spellchecker. Many of us have become intellectually lazy and rely too much on technology to do our thinking for us. Just look at how we accept search results as truth, for example.

But UTS did rectify the mistake. Two hours later while typing this blog post, another email arrived with the subject line: Corrections – Successful Origins Verification. While the message did not advise recipients what was being corrected, the Commemorative Certificate was now priced at a more reasonable $20.

That'll be $20,000 please...

That’ll be $20,000 please…

About a decade ago I was the past-student guest speaker at the UTS graduate ceremony for the top students of the year. It is invitation-only for these high-achieving students and their immediate families. Very different to the mass graduation I experienced. I rang one of my old uni mates to tell him about it. He said, “they always had that special ceremony, you just didn’t qualify”.

I’m off to brush up on a couple textbooks…

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89 cliches to make you sound like an MBA…

19 Monday Aug 2013

Posted by Malcolm Auld in Marketing

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

marketing, marketing education, MBA

In the 1980’s I worked in New York with Ogilvy & Mather Direct. I was asked to train the MBA recruits. There were about 30 of them, average age 26 to 28 and none had ever had a job. This internship was their first work experience.

They were unbelievably confident presenters, but were naive in the daily ways of business. They weren’t very worldy, but very smart academically. And they were an incredibly interesting and enthusiastic bunch of people.

I was the same age but didn’t have an MBA. And I had already been working for 10 years, 6 of those in management. What I lacked in MBA sophistication I made up with hands-on experience. O&M eventually gave up the MBA recruitment programme – apparently there wasn’t value in recruiting that way. They preferred people who had work experience, who if they wanted, did their MBA part-time or later in life.

mba

So it was with interest that I read this article from Forbes this week, sent to me from Michael Rhodes in the UK. (the world is so small). With the help of his readers, the contributor Eric Jackson has listed 89 cliches you can use in management meetings and at work, to sound like you’re an MBA.

The real questions of course that should be asked are: “what sort of manager is impressed by someone who sounds like an MBA?” and “is sounding like an MBA something your colleagues will respect?”. I’ve considered doing an MBA, but if it makes me sound different, I’m not sure I like the idea. But that’s another blog.

As Eric says: “they’ll make you sound like you know a lot about how organizations operate (along with my handy translations). When possible, you should use these in team meetings or in front of your bosses who will have a say in promoting you“:

1. It’s a paradigm shift = I don’t know what’s going on in our business. But we’re not making as much money as we used to.

2. We’re data-driven = We try not to make decisions by the seat of our pants. When possible, we try to base them in facts.

3. We need to wrap our heads around this = Gosh, I never thought of that. We need to discuss that….

4. It’s a win-win = Hey, we both get something out of this (even though I’m really trying to get the best from you)

5. ROI [used in any sentence] = Look at me, I’m very financially-minded, even if I never took any finance classes in school

6. Let’s blue sky this/let’s ballpark this = Let’s shoot around a bunch of ideas since we have no clue what to do

7. I’m a bit of a visionary = I’m a bit of an egomaniac and narcissist

8. I’m a team player/we only hire team players = I hope everyone on the team thinks this is a meritocracy, even though I’m the dictator in charge

9. Let’s circle back to that/Let’s put that in the parking lot/let’s touch base on that later/let’s take this off-line = Shut up and let’s go back to what I was talking about

10. We think outside the box here/color outside the lines = We wouldn’t know about how to do something innovative if it came up to us and bit us in the behind

11. I/we/you don’t have the bandwidth = Since we cut 60% of our headcount, we’re all doing the job of 3 people, so we’re all burned out

12. This is where the rubber meets the road = Don’t screw up

13. Net net/the net of it is/when you net it out = I never studied finance or accounting but I sound like someone who can make money if I keep talking about another word for profit

14. We’ll go back and sharpen our pencils = We’ll go back and offer you the same for 20% less in hopes you’ll buy it before the end of the quarter

15.  It’s like the book “Crossing the Chasm”/”Blue Ocean”/”Good To Great” / “Tipping Point” / “Outliers” = I’ve never read any of these books but I sound literate if I quote from them. And, besides, you cretins probably never read them either to call me out on it

16. Let’s right-size it = Let’s whack/fire a bunch of people

17. It’s next-gen/turn-key/plug-and-play = I want it to sound so technical that you’ll just buy it without asking me any questions

18. We need to manage the optics of this = How can we lie about this in a way people will believe?

19. This is creative destruction = I’ve never read Joseph Schumpeter but our core business is getting killed so it’s your responsibility to come up with a new product the market will buy

20. We don’t have enough boots on the ground = I don’t want to be fired for this disastrous product/country launch, so I’m going to sound tough referring to the military and say I don’t have enough resources

21. Deal with it = Tough cookies

22. By way of housekeeping = This makes the boring stuff I’m about to say sound more official

23. That’s the $64,000 question [sometimes, due to inflation, people will denominate this cliche in millions or billions of dollars] = I don’t know either

24. Let’s square the circle = I’m someone who can unify two team members’ views and sound important

25. It’s our cash cow/protect/milk the cash cow = If that business goes south, we’re all out of a job

26. It’s about synergies/1 + 1 = 3 = I don’t get the math either, but it sounds like more and more is better, right?

27. Who’s going to step up to the plate? = One of you is going to do this and it’s not going to be me

28. We’re eating our own dog food = It sounds gross but we seem like honest folks if we do this.

29. We need to monetize/strategize/analyze/incentivize = When in doubt, stick “-ize” on the end of a word and say we’ve got to do this and 9 out of 10 times, it will sound action-oriented.

30. We did a Five Forces/SWOT analysis/Value Chain analysis = We didn’t really do any of that, but none of you probably even remember Michael Porter, so what the heck

31. It was a perfect storm = We really screwed up but we’re going to blame a bunch of factors that are out of our hands (especially weather)

32. At the end of the day…. = OK, enough talking back and forth, we’re going to do what I want to do

33. Who’s got the ‘R’? [i.e., responsibility to do what we just spent 20 minutes talking about aimlessly] = If I ask the question, it won’t be assigned to me

34. Let’s put lipstick on this pig = plug your nose

35. I’m putting a stake in the ground here… = I’m a leader, simply because I’m using this cliche

36. We’re customer-focused/proactive/results-oriented = That can’t be bad, right?  This is motherhood and apple pie stuff

37. Our visibility into the quarter is a little fuzzy = Sales just fell off a cliff

38. That’s not our core competency/we’re sticking to our knitting = We’re just glad we’re making money in one business, because we’d have no clue how to get into any other business

39. Well, we’re facing some headwinds there = You put your finger on the area we’re panicking over

40. It’s a one-off = Do whatever they want to close the sale

41. Incent it = That’s not a verb but I just made it into one because I’m a man/woman of action

42. I’m an agent of change = This makes it sound like I know how to handle the chaos that our business is constantly going through

43. We’ve got to do a little more due diligence there = Don’t have a clue but does that legal term make me sound detail-oriented?

44. Don’t leave money on the table = Be as greedy with them as possible

45. We take a “ready, fire, aim” approach here = We totally operate on a seat-of-the-pants basis

46. Hope is not a strategy = I don’t have a strategy, but this makes it sound like I’m above people who also don’t have a strategy

47. We have to tear down the silos internally = Our organizational structure is such a mess that I’m going to be under-mined by other departments at every turn

48. I don’t think it will move the needle = This won’t get my boss excited

49. Good to put a face to the name = I’d really rather talk to that person behind you

50. Let’s take the 30,000 foot view… = I like to think I see the big picture

51. It’s the old 80-20 rule = I really have no idea what the rule was, but I just want to focus on the things that will make us successful

52. We need to manage expectations = Get ready to start sucking up to people

53. It’s not actionable enough/what’s the deliverable? = You guys do the work on refining the idea. I’m too tired.

54. My 2 cents is… = This opinion is worth a heck of a lot more than 2 cents

55. I’m going to sound like a broken record here… = I want to clearly point out to you idiots that I’ve made this point several times before

56. We’ve got too many chiefs and not enough Indians = I want to be the Chief

57. Going forward = Don’t screw up like this again

58. My people know I’ve got an open door policy = I’ve told my direct reports to come to me if they have a problem, so why should I feel bad if they complain I’m too busy to talk to them?

59. It’s gone viral = Someone sent a tweet about this

60. I know you’ve been burning the candle on both ends = Get ready to do some more

61. It’s scalable = We can sell a lot of it in theory

62. It’s best-of-breed = We hired a market research firm to say that

63. We’re all about value-add = Unlike our competitors who seek to add no value

64. What’s our go-to-market? = Has anyone planned this out, because I’ve been too busy?

65. I’m drinking from a fire hose right now = I want a little sympathy over here, because I’m tired of carrying this company on my back

66. We’re getting some push back = They’re not buying it

67. We need to do a level-set = I’ve never been inside a Home Depot, but this phrase makes me sound handy

68. It’s basic blocking and tackling = How could you screw this up? I also played high school football and those were the best days of my life.

69. Let’s put our game faces on = Get serious, guys

70. We’ve got it covered from soup to nuts = I have no idea what that means, but don’t you dare question my prep work on it

71. We don’t want to get thrown under the bus = So let’s throw someone else first

72. But to close the loop on this… = Always the more theoretical Business Development/Strategy guys who say this, so they can sound thorough

73.  What are “next steps”? = Did anyone take notes during the last 90 minutes of this meeting?

74. This is low-hanging fruit = Get this done quickly

75. We need a few quick wins = We’ve got to trick people into thinking we know what we’re doing by some successes we can point to and claim as ours

76. It’s a [Insert Company Name] killer = Did I get your attention yet with the Freddy Kreuger imagery associated with the company who’s currently eating our lunch?

77. I want to address the elephant in the room = I know you think I’m trying to cover up/gloss over something, so I might as well talk about it

78. This is the next big thing/new thing = Some of our 20-somethings have told me this is really cool

79. This time it’s different because… = Don’t wait for the explanation… simply run for the hills.

80. What are the best practices on this? = How can I cover my behind that we’re just doing stuff the way other good people have supposedly done this?

81. This is our deliverable = I know this sounds like something that comes in a body bag, but it makes our PowerPoint sound tougher than it actually is

82. We’ll loop you in when we need to = You’re not that important to know about all the details on this

83. We want this to move up and to the right = I failed high school algebra but someone said this means we’ll be making a lot of money if this happens

84. We’re going through a re-org = No one knows what the heck is going on at the moment

85. We’ve got to increase our mind-share with the customer = I think I would have been happier as a doctor doing lobotomies than in marketing as a career path

86. I don’t think you’re comparing apples to apples = Let me tell you how you should really think about this issue

87. Let’s peel back the onion on this = I want to sound thorough so this is a better way of telling you that than simply clearing my throat

88. You phoned it in = I was too busy checking my email during your presentation that I didn’t listen

89. I want you to run with this = I just threw you into the deep end of the pool and you’re on your own to figure it out

Here are the 89 biggest cliches that will help you get promoted to middle management because they’ll make you sound like you know a lot about how organizations operate (along with my handy translations). When possible, you should use these in team meetings or in front of your bosses who will have a say in promoting you:

1. It’s a paradigm shift = I don’t know what’s going on in our business. But we’re not making as much money as we used to.

2. We’re data-driven = We try not to make decisions by the seat of our pants. When possible, we try to base them in facts.

3. We need to wrap our heads around this = Gosh, I never thought of that. We need to discuss that….

4. It’s a win-win = Hey, we both get something out of this (even though I’m really trying to get the best from you)

5. ROI [used in any sentence] = Look at me, I’m very financially-minded, even if I never took any finance classes in school

6. Let’s blue sky this/let’s ballpark this = Let’s shoot around a bunch of ideas since we have no clue what to do

7. I’m a bit of a visionary = I’m a bit of an egomaniac and narcissist

8. I’m a team player/we only hire team players = I hope everyone on the team thinks this is a meritocracy, even though I’m the dictator in charge

9. Let’s circle back to that/Let’s put that in the parking lot/let’s touch base on that later/let’s take this off-line = Shut up and let’s go back to what I was talking about

10. We think outside the box here/color outside the lines = We wouldn’t know about how to do something innovative if it came up to us and bit us in the behind

11. I/we/you don’t have the bandwidth = Since we cut 60% of our headcount, we’re all doing the job of 3 people, so we’re all burned out

12. This is where the rubber meets the road = Don’t screw up

13. Net net/the net of it is/when you net it out = I never studied finance or accounting but I sound like someone who can make money if I keep talking about another word for profit

14. We’ll go back and sharpen our pencils = We’ll go back and offer you the same for 20% less in hopes you’ll buy it before the end of the quarter

15.  It’s like the book “Crossing the Chasm”/”Blue Ocean”/”Good To Great” / “Tipping Point” / “Outliers” = I’ve never read any of these books but I sound literate if I quote from them. And, besides, you cretins probably never read them either to call me out on it

16. Let’s right-size it = Let’s whack/fire a bunch of people

17. It’s next-gen/turn-key/plug-and-play = I want it to sound so technical that you’ll just buy it without asking me any questions

18. We need to manage the optics of this = How can we lie about this in a way people will believe?

19. This is creative destruction = I’ve never read Joseph Schumpeter but our core business is getting killed so it’s your responsibility to come up with a new product the market will buy

20. We don’t have enough boots on the ground = I don’t want to be fired for this disastrous product/country launch, so I’m going to sound tough referring to the military and say I don’t have enough resources

21. Deal with it = Tough cookies

22. By way of housekeeping = This makes the boring stuff I’m about to say sound more official

23. That’s the $64,000 question [sometimes, due to inflation, people will denominate this cliche in millions or billions of dollars] = I don’t know either

24. Let’s square the circle = I’m someone who can unify two team members’ views and sound important

25. It’s our cash cow/protect/milk the cash cow = If that business goes south, we’re all out of a job

26. It’s about synergies/1 + 1 = 3 = I don’t get the math either, but it sounds like more and more is better, right?

27. Who’s going to step up to the plate? = One of you is going to do this and it’s not going to be me

28. We’re eating our own dog food = It sounds gross but we seem like honest folks if we do this.

29. We need to monetize/strategize/analyze/incentivize = When in doubt, stick “-ize” on the end of a word and say we’ve got to do this and 9 out of 10 times, it will sound action-oriented.

30. We did a Five Forces/SWOT analysis/Value Chain analysis = We didn’t really do any of that, but none of you probably even remember Michael Porter, so what the heck

31. It was a perfect storm = We really screwed up but we’re going to blame a bunch of factors that are out of our hands (especially weather)

32. At the end of the day…. = OK, enough talking back and forth, we’re going to do what I want to do

33. Who’s got the ‘R’? [i.e., responsibility to do what we just spent 20 minutes talking about aimlessly] = If I ask the question, it won’t be assigned to me

34. Let’s put lipstick on this pig = plug your nose

35. I’m putting a stake in the ground here… = I’m a leader, simply because I’m using this cliche

36. We’re customer-focused/proactive/results-oriented = That can’t be bad, right?  This is motherhood and apple pie stuff

37. Our visibility into the quarter is a little fuzzy = Sales just fell off a cliff

38. That’s not our core competency/we’re sticking to our knitting = We’re just glad we’re making money in one business, because we’d have no clue how to get into any other business

39. Well, we’re facing some headwinds there = You put your finger on the area we’re panicking over

40. It’s a one-off = Do whatever they want to close the sale

41. Incent it = That’s not a verb but I just made it into one because I’m a man/woman of action

42. I’m an agent of change = This makes it sound like I know how to handle the chaos that our business is constantly going through

43. We’ve got to do a little more due diligence there = Don’t have a clue but does that legal term make me sound detail-oriented?

44. Don’t leave money on the table = Be as greedy with them as possible

45. We take a “ready, fire, aim” approach here = We totally operate on a seat-of-the-pants basis

46. Hope is not a strategy = I don’t have a strategy, but this makes it sound like I’m above people who also don’t have a strategy

47. We have to tear down the silos internally = Our organizational structure is such a mess that I’m going to be under-mined by other departments at every turn

48. I don’t think it will move the needle = This won’t get my boss excited

49. Good to put a face to the name = I’d really rather talk to that person behind you

50. Let’s take the 30,000 foot view… = I like to think I see the big picture

51. It’s the old 80-20 rule = I really have no idea what the rule was, but I just want to focus on the things that will make us successful

52. We need to manage expectations = Get ready to start sucking up to people

53. It’s not actionable enough/what’s the deliverable? = You guys do the work on refining the idea. I’m too tired.

54. My 2 cents is… = This opinion is worth a heck of a lot more than 2 cents

55. I’m going to sound like a broken record here… = I want to clearly point out to you idiots that I’ve made this point several times before

56. We’ve got too many chiefs and not enough Indians = I want to be the Chief

57. Going forward = Don’t screw up like this again

58. My people know I’ve got an open door policy = I’ve told my direct reports to come to me if they have a problem, so why should I feel bad if they complain I’m too busy to talk to them?

59. It’s gone viral = Someone sent a tweet about this

60. I know you’ve been burning the candle on both ends = Get ready to do some more

61. It’s scalable = We can sell a lot of it in theory

62. It’s best-of-breed = We hired a market research firm to say that

63. We’re all about value-add = Unlike our competitors who seek to add no value

64. What’s our go-to-market? = Has anyone planned this out, because I’ve been too busy?

65. I’m drinking from a fire hose right now = I want a little sympathy over here, because I’m tired of carrying this company on my back

66. We’re getting some push back = They’re not buying it

67. We need to do a level-set = I’ve never been inside a Home Depot, but this phrase makes me sound handy

68. It’s basic blocking and tackling = How could you screw this up? I also played high school football and those were the best days of my life.

69. Let’s put our game faces on = Get serious, guys

70. We’ve got it covered from soup to nuts = I have no idea what that means, but don’t you dare question my prep work on it

71. We don’t want to get thrown under the bus = So let’s throw someone else first

72. But to close the loop on this… = Always the more theoretical Business Development/Strategy guys who say this, so they can sound thorough

73.  What are “next steps”? = Did anyone take notes during the last 90 minutes of this meeting?

74. This is low-hanging fruit = Get this done quickly

75. We need a few quick wins = We’ve got to trick people into thinking we know what we’re doing by some successes we can point to and claim as ours

76. It’s a [Insert Company Name] killer = Did I get your attention yet with the Freddy Kreuger imagery associated with the company who’s currently eating our lunch?

77. I want to address the elephant in the room = I know you think I’m trying to cover up/gloss over something, so I might as well talk about it

78. This is the next big thing/new thing = Some of our 20-somethings have told me this is really cool

79. This time it’s different because… = Don’t wait for the explanation… simply run for the hills.

80. What are the best practices on this? = How can I cover my behind that we’re just doing stuff the way other good people have supposedly done this?

81. This is our deliverable = I know this sounds like something that comes in a body bag, but it makes our PowerPoint sound tougher than it actually is

82. We’ll loop you in when we need to = You’re not that important to know about all the details on this

83. We want this to move up and to the right = I failed high school algebra but someone said this means we’ll be making a lot of money if this happens

84. We’re going through a re-org = No one knows what the heck is going on at the moment

85. We’ve got to increase our mind-share with the customer = I think I would have been happier as a doctor doing lobotomies than in marketing as a career path

86. I don’t think you’re comparing apples to apples = Let me tell you how you should really think about this issue

87. Let’s peel back the onion on this = I want to sound thorough so this is a better way of telling you that than simply clearing my throat

88. You phoned it in = I was too busy checking my email during your presentation that I didn’t listen

89. I want you to run with this = I just threw you into the deep end of the pool and you’re on your own to figure it out

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