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Monthly Archives: May 2014

The mailings that caused building evacuations, again…

30 Friday May 2014

Posted by Malcolm Auld in B2B Marketing, Branding, Direct Marketing, Marketing, Telemarketing

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

B2B Marketing, branding, direct marketing, marketing

Part 1

Earlier this week a PR stunt for a new video game resulted in the Bomb Squad being called to Ninemsn’s offices. Apparently a black safe was delivered anonymously to the publisher’s office accompanied by a “suspicious” letter which told a reporter to “check your voice mail”.

But the reporter didn’t have voice mail. The staff entered a pin code supplied with the safe, but it started to beep and did not open, so they thought it was an explosive device. You can picture the rest – or read about it here.

In 1982 we caused a similar problem in the security industry. I was National Marketing Manager for a number of TNT companies – one being TNT Security Guards. The (legitimate) security industry was union-dominated with high labour costs and the only difference between the different brand of security guards was the uniforms they wore. The pain of change was enormous and given the tight margins, the cost savings weren’t that big, so convincing prospects to change suppliers was not easy.

We decided the best way to demonstrate the strength of our security guards, was to demonstrate how useless the incumbent guards were. This turned out to be easier than we thought.

sleeping-guard-440px

We conducted what is now called an omni-channel campaign – telemarketing, followed by 2-step direct mail, followed by telemarketing and a face-to-face presentation.

Once we had qualified our prospects by telephone, our sales representatives hand-delivered to each company an anonymous black box about the size of a small chocolate box. The box was handed to the security guard at the front of the building with instructions to deliver it personally to the security decision-maker. The security decision-maker’s name and title were labelled on the outside of the box.

tn_TNT Security Guards Outer

The security guards dutifully obliged and delivered the boxes to the decision-makers. Upon receipt of the box, the decision-maker asked where it came from. The security guard was unable to answer, except to say that it had been delivered anonymously.

When the decision maker opened the box the message on the lid stated ‘Seeing is not necessarily believing’ and inside the box an optical illusion included the message ‘What you see isn’t necessarily what you get’. Reflecting the lack of security that let the box be delivered in the first place.

tn_TNT Seeing is not...

tn_TNT What you see...

The following day our sales representatives delivered a similar box following the same procedures, except this box had a different optical illusion with the message ‘Looking closely at the facts makes sense’.

tn_TNT Looking closely at the facts...

By the time the second box was delivered to some companies, all hell had broken loose. In a number of cases our representatives were frisked or held for questioning. Our competitors rang us to ask what we were up to, after they had tracked the number plates of one of our sales representative’s cars. Some offices had even been evacuated while the box was investigated for explosive devices.

But we had achieved our objective – proof that the security guards were not providing the service they were contracted to do. How else could an anonymous box arrive on the security decision-maker’s desk two days in a row?

The day after the second box was delivered we telephoned the security decision-makers for an appointment. Prior to this campaign we couldn’t get past the secretary. The follow-up calls resulted in a phenomenal 86 per cent appointment rate, for business worth millions of dollars. A hugely positive ROI.

Interestingly, about 14 years later my agency was asked to do some work for TNTGroup4. We conducted some informal telephone research and discovered there were still some people in the industry who were around when the above mailpack was delivered. Not only did they remember the mailpack, they also remembered that it came from TNT Security Guards — testimony to the power of direct marketing for building brands.

Since 9/11 the practice of delivering anonymous packages has all but disappeared – though as proven this week, the odd young marketer who hasn’t studied history will still make a naive mistake.

In Part 2 (my next post) I’ll share where a senior executive wanted to stick a laser gun as a result of direct mail gone wrong. It certainly wouldn’t have helped my posture…

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Two marketers walk into a bar and tell social media jokes…

09 Friday May 2014

Posted by Malcolm Auld in Social Media

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

anti-social media, marketing, marketing jokes, social media

Back in the days before Facebook I was one of the early members of The NOSO Project.  It was promoted as “a real-world platform for temporary disengagement from social networking environments. The NOSO experience offered a unique opportunity to create NO Connections by scheduling NO Events with other NO Friends“. I was member 445 or thereabouts.

noso

Unfortunately it’s now closed, so am not sure that means it was a success or a failure – given no events were successfully not held if you get my drift?

Over the last month this anti-social media video Look Up has travelled the planet via social media – how ironic. In the 2 weeks since it was posted it’s had over 28,000,000 views. I’ve shared it with my kids – and they’ve shared it with their teachers, who in turn have shared it with other parents, for them to share with their kids.

So I’ll stay on topic and get those two marketers to share some anti-social media jokes – avagoodweegend…

antisocial-phone

tumblr_l65ofcrx4D1qcj2w4o1_500

tumblr_l6k3gauBNQ1qazof9o1_500

6a00d83452030269e2017c318cd7dd970b

6a00d83452408569e2019affb2fc41970d

social-interaction-2012.350

facebook screen

Humor-comic-Speed-Bump-ani-social-media

76 GrandpaBloggerSML

history-email-chat_room-internet-the_net-party_line-dro0355l.jpg

2013-02-20-antisocial

facebook-life-events-bathroom-the-anti-social-media

FnL25-Parents

att000011

facebook20banish-11338415

Anti-social-media

4zxYyoP

 

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It’s marketing meeting déjà vu all over again, again…

07 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by Malcolm Auld in BIG DATA, Direct Marketing, Marketing

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

BIG data, direct marketing, marketing, training

Have you ever had that Groundhog Day feeling at the office? You know the one, where life seems to repeat itself over and over again?

groundhog day

Well I seem to be having more and more Groundhog Days. Maybe it’s because I’m not as young as I once was, so not much is new anymore? Or maybe I’m working with so many fresh-faced marketers, it’s just new to them but not me.

Mostly my Groundhog experiences occur in marketing meetings. The meetings seem to involve the same issues and problems discussed more than 25 years ago. I’m hearing the same arguments and opinions, the same bitching and moaning, the same attempts to impress with vacuous new buzzwords – it’s déjà vu all over again, again.

Even worse are conference call meetings. It seems most people spend more time on their smart phones, tablets or laptops working on their emails, than contributing to the call. The productivity is disastrous.

marketing meeting

In 2003, in sheer frustration, I created Marketing Buzzwords Bingo to keep people awake in marketing meetings. I’ll have to reload it in my blog for you, so you can use it to keep your sanity in these tedious time-wasters.

But this is the curious bit – we have now had over 50 years of university marketing degrees, 40 years of TAFE advertising certificates, 31 years of direct marketing certificates and 14 years of online/digital marketing courses – and yet we are still making the same mistakes day-in, day-out, year-in and year-out.

We don’t seem to be learning from our past . There is no collective corporate knowledge passed along to young marketers. Instead of learning from the mistakes and successes of others as part of their induction, new recruits are left to fend for themselves and repeat the mistakes of their predecessors. And we all know that definition of insanity about doing the same thing over and over?

Part of the problem is the quality of the tertiary education. It seems that every time a marketing graduate is hired they require remedial education so they have a semblance of usefulness. Our universities are not providing the skills necessary to work in current marketing departments or advertising agencies. So you can’t blame the graduates.

Another part is the lack of interest in further professional development – people believe that because they work in the industry they don’t need to study or feed their brains. Particularly as there is no requirement for them to study, like there is in professions such as medicine, law and the like. “I have my degree, therefore I am…”

marketign graduate

One common mistake that still exists is with those who confuse ways of marketing with media channels. For example calling “direct marketing” a medium, or “digital marketing” a way of marketing. Or assuming DM is limited to mail. Even worse when there is acronym confusion. “This meeting is about CRM” says one. “Yes I know” says another, “Customer Relationship Management“. “What are you talking about, it’s Cause Related Marketing” – whoops.

As any marketer worth their salt knows, there are only two ways of marketing. One is mass marketing and the other is direct marketing.

Here’s another example that stunned me, though it’s not uncommon. Recently I consulted to a BIG DATA company. They make their money flogging data to companies from SME’s to major financial institutions and government departments. They are busying themselves with distractions such as “the pursuit of likes”, yet their own data is so abominable. They cannot personalise email messages to their own clients because they don’t have their names on file.

That’s right folks – imagine the body language of the messages from a data company, when those messages cannot be personalised? Talk about damaging your brand’s credibility. Instead of trying to come up with new offers, repackaging old products, or posting on social sites, they would be more profitable if they just got to know their customers better.

Dear whatsyaname?

Dear whatsyaname?

As the old saying goes, “if your customers don’t make you rich, who will?”

Marketing is not complicated

But marketers do their best to confuse – using buzzwords with over-emphasis on ‘strategic‘ or ‘engagement‘, etc. In simple terms, marketing creates the need, while sales fulfills the need. Though much direct response advertising does both. Everything you do must contribute to either acquiring or keeping a customer profitably.

And there is an argument that marketing is not technically vocational

Vocational training emphasizes skills and knowledge required for a particular job function (such as typing or data entry) or a trade (such as carpentry or welding). Marketing does have qualifications and there are many rules to follow if you want to succeed. But the craft often involves a very broad measure of opinion, rather than specifics – unless of course you are working with data.

Professions such as law and accounting have rules and laws that practitioners need to abide by. And there’s generally only one way to fix a leaking tap, or electrical fault – rules and vocational skills apply. There is a specific way to draw up a set of accounts for example, but not to spend money in media, create an advertisement, or even publish content in the digi-world. Yet there are a million opinions on how to do so.

And that’s the rub – these marketing meetings seem to occur to solve matters of opinion rather than fact, which is why they are so dull and go round and round in circles.

I once removed the visitor chairs from my office so people wouldn’t waste my time sitting in them and deciding when they would leave. It upset a few, but it meant conversations were quick and to the point. Much better productivity.

Maybe if all marketing meetings were held standing up, the attendees would focus more on the facts and issues, not the opinions?

standing in meeting room

Well that’s my opinion anyway!

 

 

 

 

 

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Introducing “lying” – the new customer service benchmark…

02 Friday May 2014

Posted by Malcolm Auld in BIG DATA, Branding, Customer Service, Direct Marketing, Marketing, Marketing Automation

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

branding, customer service, direct marketing, marketing, marketing automation

About 4 weeks ago a garbage truck ploughed into my car and did a few thousand dollars damage. He was the driver at fault.

I rang AAMI my insurer and explained the accident. Later I received a text message from Suncorp, saying “AAMI has attempted to contact you regarding claim xyz123. Please call 1300698749, 9-5pm Mon-Fri.”

That’s strange I thought – a message from Suncorp representing AAMI – that’s a tad brand-confusing. They only have my mobile and I have no missed calls. So I called them back and was advised where to send the car for assessment.

The service was excellent and my policy covered me with a cheap hire car similar to my car. It also covered the cost of the taxi to take me from the assessor to the hire car company. I was told the job would take about 9 days, so I would get my car back the day before Easter . If it was to take longer I would be informed and could extend the rental.

My “similar” rental car is a 4 cylinder Toyota Corolla. My damaged car is a 7 seat Toyota SUV. So the planned road trip for the school holidays was cancelled.

the road trip was cancelled

the road trip was cancelled

The day before my repaired car was due to be available, Hertz rang me to confirm if I was returning the rental car. I said I had no idea as I was awaiting confirmation my car was fixed. So I rang the smash repairer for an update. “No mate it won’t be ready tomorrow, we’re waiting on a part that takes 3 weeks. Call us again in 2 weeks.”

In mild panic I rang the insurer to get the OK to extend the rental. This is when the fine print of insurance comes into play and you want to strangle the CEO of the insurance company.

Homer-simpson-chocking-bart-1

They knew nothing about my car’s status, so I gave them the update. And then I’m told my policy only covers the discount rental for 10 days. I now have to pay full tote rental price over the holiday season if I want a car.

I am the victim here. Someone else runs into my car and I have to pay. Isn’t this why I pay for insurance, so I don’t have to pay when an accident happens?

I call Hertz back and he asks if I was given a discount code. I responded “what’s a discount code?”. He tells me I am entitled to a discount on the full rental price via the insurer.

So I ring AAMI back and ask for my discount code. They weren’t able to explain why I wasn’t given it beforehand.

The discount is not large and is wiped out when I select the cheapest daily insurance cover to ensure I don’t pay an excess of umpteen thousand dollars, if I get a scratch on the vehicle.

So now I am paying full tote on a holiday car rental and have no idea when my car will be repaired.

But then a strange thing happened. At 4.43pm I get the same text message I’d received the other day about how AAMI had tried to contact me, yet again I had no missed calls. At dinner with friends that night I discussed this and one of the fathers said he had a similar experience. He’d scrolled through his messages to see when he had missed AAMI’s attempt to contact.

Apparently they don’t attempt to contact you at all. They just lie to you.

liar

They send an sms to you, so you have to pay for the return call and they don’t have to pay for someone to “attempt to contact you”. After all, it costs them more to reach you if you don’t answer on the first attempt. So they text you a lie to force you the customer, to pay for the phone call for their customer service.

What depths have we plumbed that brands need to lie to their customers to save themselves money? Why not just be honest and send a message that says “please call us regarding your claim number xyz123??”

Once again the small data fails, making the BIG DATA irrelevant.

Turns out they didn’t know as much as I knew about the status of my car – and I still haven’t heard from them this week. I assume the best I can hope for is another sms lying about their attempt to reach me and I’ll have to call them.

Lucky I’m with AAMI – not really.

not really...

not really…

Lucky I can shop around and switch insurers – absobloodylutely!

But they’re not the only brand practicing deceit. Telstra wrote me a letter last month claiming in a bold subhead “We recently tried to call you“.

a whole team tried to call me

a whole team tried to call me

The author even claimed his team had tried – yes folks, a whole team. It must have been very important for a team to call me. Yet the letter doesn’t say on what day, at what time, how often, or on what number they tried to call me. And given I can track missed calls, they now have me concerned.

That’s because like many thousands of Aussies I am an owner of Telstra – my hard-earned is invested in T2 shares (a disaster I know – should have invested in T1). Yes folks, like most investors I’m relying on marketers to succeed so I get a return on my investment – frightening really. And I suspect they don’t even consider this as part of their KPIs.

What concerns me more is this – if Telstra did telephone me as they claim to and I have no record of missing a call, is the technology broken? Have I invested in a dud? Should all shareholders be concerned? Maybe Telstra don’t know their phones don’t work and that’s why they couldn’t reach me!

Or is this just another fake marketing message passing off as customer service?

Who knows? I don’t have a record of a missed call. Telstra don’t provide any facts about the call – and it’s the facts that matter, not the puffery. The grammatically incorrect letter went on to tell me “we’re only a phone call away” and “If there’s anything we can do to help, just call us on 1800 886 720.”

Given my concern there was technical problem, I rang the phone number. It was answered by a recorded message welcoming me to the business improvement programme – which turns out to be on-hold music. Not much of an improvement – another lie maybe? So after a few minutes I gave up listening and waiting for the team to answer – a whole team and nobody was available.

I can hear your pain dear reader, so please scream now…

scream

Why do marketers treat the people who pay their salary so appallingly? Why is there so little accountability? Are they really incompetent? Most have university degrees.

I’m sure this is driven by KPIs set by people who’ve never served a customer face-to-face, but have written lots of strategic documents. Some poor marketing sod has a KPI for customer engagement or some such rot. So the easiest solution is to send bulk lies to customers via sms, mail and email – the most powerful media channels – and claim success on the engagement KPI.

I’m off to ring my smash repairer – at least he answers the phone personally and tells it like it is – which is what I’m worried about…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Teams don’t send emails, individuals do…

01 Thursday May 2014

Posted by Malcolm Auld in Branding, Customer Service, Direct Marketing, Email marketing, Marketing, Telemarketing

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

branding, customer service, direct marketing, email marketing, marketing, telemarketing

Have a nice day,
The Team at Big Brand

You’ve probably received one of those email messages? You know the ones.

They are delivered usually by auto-responder and the signature file claims the message has been sent to you by a team.

Picture it for a second. There’s the whole customer service team excitedly gathered around a single keyboard. All pointing one of their digits at the keyboard together, like one big connected finger, waiting in anticipation of pressing the send button.

The team leader starts the cheer: “On the count of 3, 2, 1…send” they hit send as one team, and then go back to their individual jobs.

"3, 2, 1... send"

“3, 2, 1… send”

Possible? Not Likely. Does anyone really believe a team sends an email to an individual?

I know they don’t, because I’ve tested it. Yes folks, I received a message from the team at a big brand in financial services.

So I immediately rang them. When I eventually connected to a human I asked to speak with the team.

The person was confused, “which team sir?” I explained the team that just sent me the email. I suggested she gather them around, as I had some questions I needed answering before I bought.

She became confused, “but I can’t connect you to a team…”. I replied “but the team just sent me a message and asked me to contact them if I had any questions, so here I am – go get the team for me please?”

Then she hung up, thinking I was some kind of nutter.

But I’d made my point. Email is a personal media – so treat it as such and write from one individual to another, not from a team to an individual. Unless of course you put each signature of all the individuals in the team, into the signature file of the message – which really only works with a small team.

And use more text than images in your message. Apart from the spam filter defaults that block messages dominated by images, most email systems also require the recipient to right-click to view images. And given humans are the laziest species on Earth, it’s all too hard, so we don’t click, we delete. See more email marketing tips here.

Curiously I received a letter this week from Telstra. The writer says “My team had recently tried to call you blah blah blah…”.

At first I was flattered – a whole team at Telstra tried to call little old me? How disappointing I’d missed the call.

But I hadn’t missed the call – it was never made. I’ll cover this in my next blog – the rise and rise of lying as the new benchmark for customer service.

Oh look I’ve just received an email. The “From Line” says it’s from “Telstra Team”.

I’m off to make a call:)

 

 

 

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