Happy Friday and avagoodweegend…
At The Marketing Job Interview
One day a man tried to get a job as a Marketing Manager at a blue-chip packaged goods company. He passed every interview with flying colours. At the final interview, the Global Head of Strategic Marketing and Customer Engagement told him that his constant blinking would bother customers.
“Not a problem. I can fix that with some Aspirin. I’ll just take some and will be better in a second.”
So, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out condom after condom until he finds the Aspirin. He takes it and his blinking goes away.
The Global Head of Strategic Marketing and Customer Engagement says “We don’t approve of womanising at the office. We’re a politically correct company you know.”
The bloke shakes his head and says “No you misunderstand! Have you ever tried to ask a pharmacist for aspirin while your winking?”
Work vs Prison:
IN PRISON… you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK… you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON… you get three meals a day.
AT WORK… you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON… you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK… you get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON… the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK… you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.
IN PRISON… you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK… you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON… you get your own toilet.
AT WORK… you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.
IN PRISON…they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK…you can’t even speak to your family.
IN PRISON… all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
AT WORK… you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON… you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK… you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON… you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK… they are called managers.
The Requirements of This Job
Employer: “In this job we need someone who is responsible.”
Applicant: “I’m the one you want. On my last job, every time an advertising campaign didn’t work, they said I was responsible.”
In the beginning was the Plan.
And then came the Assumptions.
And the Assumptions were without form.
And the Plan was without substance.
And darkness was upon the face of the Workers.
And they spoke among themselves, saying,
“It is a crock of sh*t, and it stinks.”
And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said,
“It is a pail of dung, and we can’t live with the smell.
And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying,
“It is the container of the excrements, and it is very strong,
such that none may abide by it.”
And the Mangers went unto their Directors, saying,
“It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength.”
And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another,
“It promotes growth, and it is very powerful.”
And the Vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him,
“This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigor of the company
with very powerful effects.”
And the President looked upon the Plan and saw that it was good.
And the Plan became Policy and was briefed to the advertising agency.
And that is how sh*t happens.